We know for a fact that we are not eternal on this Earth. We can basically live an absolute maximum of 43,000 days. And, sincerely, for most of us, it’s more like 30,000…
Sidenote: I warned you this would be a little dark. Okay, it’s pretty dark.
Overshare: When I did a quick count of my most precious relationships of my life so far, I’ve come up with approximately 50 relationships. Considering my age, health and that of those I’ve built relationships with, I realize that there are a lot of emotions in those 50 relationships. Those people and I are not all still in active relationships necessarily, but at one time, there was magic.
So the idea is simple: I don’t want for there to be any love unexpressed.
We distance from each other, through busy-ness, work, obligations, physical distance, circumstance, happenings, choosing sides, death… and I’m sure for many other reasons.
Today, I would like to read a MiniBook about the activity of sitting myself down and reaching out to those who matter and for them to be absolutely clear as to why they matter to me and what I see in them that makes them so special.
Overshare: As I write this, I realize that I guess I just did it because it’s pretty freakin’ simple… It’s a pad of paper, a pen, a list of the people I love and 10 reasons why! Simple!
Deep breath. Fingers crossed.
Let’s do this!
#1: All the feels
Feelings… Gotta love them!
“They may forget what you said – but they will never forget how you made them feel.”
-Maya Angelou
How we feel when we are with someone is priceless. The special people in our lives have the power to make us feel brilliant on days when we might not be so brilliant, strong on days we might not be so strong and beautiful on days when we might not feel all that beautiful.
We hope to make people feel good when they are with us and that they feel good about how they think we feel about them.
Suggestion: In writing how people make us feel, we can reflect on how we might make our special people feel.
#2: Irreplaceable
Overshare: I have a HUGE issue with feeling replaceable. HUGE!
Some things are replaceable, other things are not. People, however, are irreplaceable. Be it employees in an workplace, an ex, a loss to death…
It has been made fairly obvious to me now and again about how people can be treated as replaceable. It saddens me when someone feels like they could just leave without leaving a dent.
What’s the shape and size of the dent those who are special to us make in our lives?
#3: Smile
There’s a smile I love above all others and that is a real and soulful smile. It’s not a big smile that’s plastered on every moment, but the opposite. It’s a smile that is connected to they eyes and heart.
To me, it’s heaven.
This is the smile a loving parent gives their child who is softly falling asleep. Beautiful!
My loved ones all have it and I hope that the smile I give back to them is just as sweet.
#4: As we are
One of the great things I appreciate in my special people is that they appreciate and accept me as I am, and I do to them.
Being accepted and appreciated for who we are seems so simple, but as humans, we like to tinker and upgrade.
We also might like things to stay the same, but they evolve.
The key is are we accepting and appreciating through change and through non-change?
This is essentially Respect.
Overshare: I vividly remember being 14 and having two friends who were as different as can be. Where one was more outgoing, the other was more shy. Where one seemed pretty comfortable being 14 and growing up, the other was holding back. I loved that they were always themselves and what I loved about them the most is their support in my growing as a 14 year-old and finding myself. I always felt respected by them.
#5: Leveling up
Think of a team-based video game that makes it essential to have the right teammate to get to the goal.
That teamwork is one of my absolute favorite things in life.
This teamwork is something I highlight to everyone I share my appreciation to because it’s probably the most. I always loved the expression “We’re going to be the Fugees here, not just Lauryn Hills.”
Sidenote: I have NO clue where that quote I’ve butchered comes from, but I’ve lived by it.
Another sidenote: I mean no disrespect to either the members of the Fugees or Ms Hill. I am a fan of all of them. They are part of the soundtrack to very important parts of my life.
Overshare: I find that true teamwork often comes out in times of hardship. Reminding people that the remarkable teamwork they brought to our lives might also bring up the challenge we were faced with when the team assembled. This can be touchy at times to bring up. From my vantage point, to be able to truly share how precious their impact was to me during a challenge, we sometimes have to bring up the challenge and hope we don’t upset anyone.
We level up with the help from those who are special. We, in return, can help them level up.
#6: Weighing the lighter side
Some people live and love drama. I am not one of those people.
My loved ones do not park drama on my doorstep unless it is needed. And, it is never for drama’s sake. It’s because it’s real.
This one is about living an honest relationship, without drama. It’s about trust. And, of course, it’s about humor.
By living the wining combination of honesty, trust and humor, we allow our relationships to bask on the lighter side, yet still be strong enough to weather rough conditions.
#7: Shining the good
When we are the best of ourselves, we feel good, we make smart choices and we have a more positive outlook.
Let’s agree that some people seem to bring out the best of us and have us radiating our good, and some others, make us feel like we are not quite good enough.
I feel that the good part of ourselves that radiates out in the company and under the light of our special person should be credited to that special person.
#8: To see and be seen
Have you ever had the feeling that someone you’re interacting with is not really interacting back?
To truly see someone is to see them as much as one can to their core, without being intrusive, of course. To be seen by someone is that they can see us for who we really are and, of course for it to be respectful.
#9: Without you
Frankly, do we even want to think about what our life would be without one of our special ones? Seriously? Of course not! But we can benefit from thinking about how different it would be had we not originally met them.
Overshare: I was barely 17 and there was this gorgeous young woman in my new class, in my new city. The teacher asked us to pair off. From the back of the class, I could see people clicking together like magnets before my eyes. This young woman was personified Cool, yet, seemed unpaired! WHAT?! I walked up to her dorkily, and asked her to be my partner. She accepted!
#10: A celebration of YOU!
Ever have a birthday party? If not, I’m sorry…
If you have, did that party reflect you? If not, I’m really sorry…
Overshare: I was turning 6 and I was getting a party! WOW! I must point out that this wasn’t some crazed bouncy-castle and catered event. It was a simple, yet beautiful, party with a few friends at my house. It was, however, VERY PINK. 6 year-old me LOVED pink! This was a party that truly reflected me in so many ways. I can’t remember any gifts, it wasn’t too flashy, there was good homemade treats, good friends and just enough silliness to make it memorable. What mattered the most about this event is that it made me feel loved and understood. The best gift of all.
That is exactly the feeling I try to give those around me.
Nothing fancy, but to feel loved and understood. To feel appreciated.
10 isn’t enough, is it?
The little things we can say and do to make those around us feel appreciated are doable. A card, a letter, a text, an email, a Skype, a call… All these are possible to do for those who are living.
For those who are no longer with us in this physical reality, well… yeah…
I don’t like to live regret. As my overshares might have pointed out, I’m not too scared of being a dork and going up to people to share.
No matter how many ways we can tell someone we appreciate them, they don’t count if we don’t do it.
We all go somewhere at some point. Guaranteed. I’m sorry.
Good words make a difference.
Overshare: I was running errands over the weekend and got some of the best customer service one can get. I found the person to give my feedback to and they were incredibly excited that their peer was getting recognition. I’ve made a habit to speak to managers every time I get great service, be it on the phone or in person. People are so used to only hearing the bad… it’s truly sad. But we get a lot of great customer service and those people deserve to hear about it and be celebrated 🙂
Enjoy,
Karine