I was recently speaking with someone who apologized from so deeply in their heart. The weight their apology was making inside them was obvious and truly touched me.
I’ve been of the opinion for a very long time, that people try their best.
We wake up in the morning with the best intentions, we go about our day with varying levels of challenge, always trying to do our best for ourselves, for our work, our home, our loved ones, society, and the world. We try to balance things and make our life work in the best way possible.
We may bite off more than we can chew.
We may feel isolated at times.
We may feel like we’re failing.
Well, I want to say: YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Today, I’d like to share a good, sweet and short book with that special someone. I know they are FULL of heart. I know they feel pain and regret. I know they wish things were different. But what I want them to know is that they are not alone. They are deeply loved and I am here.
Let’s do this!
“You’re Not Alone” can mean a few different things. It can mean that 1) I relate to what you are living, 2) that I am ready to give support, 3) we are statistically not alone since there are 7.7 billion people on this Earth, 4) we have our Spirit that is with us at all times, 5) there is always someone out there who can understand what we are living, even if we don’t know them yet, 6) if we reach out, odds are we’ll find someone.
Sidenote: It could also mean that someone is acting selfishly and can benefit from being reminded that they are not alone in the world, the group, the home… and that others might feel disrespected, rejected and ignored. But we’re not going to go in this direction for this MiniBook 🙂
We’re going to focus on that feeling that we as people might take a lot on in our heart and Soul, but we are all human and we all (mostly) try our very best.
I don’t know about you, but the first thing that comes to mind when reading that for me is: Forgiveness. Second, Openness. Third: Trust. Fourth: Compassion. Fifth: Love.
And the one thing no one needs: Judgement.
We need to address the elephant in the room: Is it us? Is it the others? Why are we feeling alone?
Overshare: I’ve been that kid who’s been picked last and not invited to a birthday party. I suppose we all have at some point or another. I’ve wondered since being that kid what lead to feeling alone. Was it me? Was it them? And, what exactly was making me feel alone?
Ultimately, did someone MAKE us feel alone or did WE make ourself feel alone?
Sidenote: I’ve touched on this subject here and there because it wraps into being human. We see our world from our own vantage point and we have limited understanding on how others interpret and process the world around us. We interpret and assume constantly in order to make our world make sense.
Let’s get back on track, shall we?
Forgiveness, Openness, Trust, Compassion and Love
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is not “Forgive & Forget”. Forgiveness is a deep feeling inside that we truly understand that whoever needs that opportunity to move beyond the act deserving forgiveness is honest about their need and deeply feels that there is something to repair.
Sidenote: This can obviously apply to Ourself about Ourself.
True forgiveness includes true understanding, without judgement. It might not be that we understand the other’s actions or words, but that we understand that they came to those actions or words from within themselves and not to intentionally cause harm.
In order to not feel alone, I feel that starting with an air that has been sprayed with forgiveness and with judgement exterminated is a good place to start.
This includes not being judgemental about Ourself.
We have all messed up more times than we can count. And if you’ve never noticed that you’ve messed up, I’m actually sorry for you. It’s a fabulous learning opportunity to feel our mistakes. But most of us are very aware that we’ve messed up and BOY do we regret it! We might be somewhat mean to ourselves about it, right?
I suggest forgiving Ourself. Put judgement aside and know that we did, indeed, try our best and that we get to keep trying our best.
Openness
There’s being open and there’s being too open, right?
Overshare: I LOVE being open, vulnerable and talking to others from an honest and true space within myself! But even I know there’s a difference between what kind of open we’re going to be!
Not feeling alone comes through connecting with others who match our connection type.
What are Connection Types, you ask?
They are what I call types of frequencies we use to communicate. They are the agreed range of topics, depth of emotion and invested emotional risk that are embedded in that communication and relationship type. A shared or similar history often helps significantly to be able to connect.
Example: As a woman, I do not know what it’s like to have issues with male reproductive organs. As a woman in my forties, I don’t know what it’s like to be a teen in a world of social media and smart phones. Neither of which are from a lack of caring, but a lack of ability to connect truly on those topics with someone who is truly living them.
Certain people will connect easier on certain subjects. This does not remove how much people love us and truly want to help, but it just means that some people will “get it” better.
Overshare: When introduced to a new group of people, I might be shy if I feel I don’t have much in common with the rest of the group. But, put me into a group where we obviously have much in terms of Connection Points, I just might be the most social one there and through that, I become more open.
Openness means communicating.
Trust
Feeling isolated SUCKS.
But that feeling doesn’t come from nothing. It comes from many sources including feeling like we can’t truly trust others.
When we trust that there are people in our life who we can trust because they are understanding, non-judgemental, forgiving, open and, above all, who TRY, we can have people in our life who we trust.
Trust is tricky. Though it is very strong and can live through a lifetime, it is remarkably easy to destroy and astonishingly difficult to rebuild.
Compassion
We often think of compassion in the direction of us being compassionate to those in need, or that we want others to be compassionate towards us when we feel vulnerable.
In this context, I am looking at compassion through the lens of understanding that there is very little difference between the other and ourself.
“You’re not alone” means that I am compassionate towards your vulnerability and I acknowledge that I am vulnerable as well.
Compassion is probably the most important part of not feeling alone and in helping others not feel alone.
Love
Pretty obvious addition, right?
There are many kinds of love, but this one links into compassion. It is a love that comes through understanding the beauty and vulnerability of life, the other and ourselves.
Let’s wrap it up
The impact that others have on our life is remarkable. We are not an island. We are born as little, tiny naked babies who completely rely on those around us. Our herd raises us and we rely on each other for learning, protection, entertainment, sustenance, guidance, love, challenges and so much more.
If we were born as unstoppable pre-programmed robots, maybe things would play a little differently.
I vote that we celebrate Forgiveness, Openness, Trust, Compassion and Love, that we place judgement in a box (in case we need it again) and we remember that as non-robots, we need each other 🙂
Enjoy,
Karine 🙂